Try Again
by tripling fall down
Summary: Axel tried and failed. But he'll always try again. [AkuRoku, oneshot]


**Disclaimer**: If I owned KH2 Axel and Roxas would have walked into the sunset together holding hands. Unfortunately I don't and they both disappeared. Go figure?

**A/N**: I haven't written fanfic in so long but I played the game for the third time last night and this just came to mind. So I wrote it. Simple as that really...

**Try Again **

_"You're not swinging it right." _

_"I know how to handle the keyblade." _

_Axel snorts and reaches out, ignoring the questioning look Roxas is giving him. __Using his own hands he nudges Roxas's into position, moving one further up__ and wrapping one tighter around. It's a small move but he can feel the appreciation like a physical thing and it warms him for some strange reason. So he grins. _

_"And that's how you hold a keyblade__ properly__." _

_This time it's Roxas's turn to give a small laugh and Axel would do a victory dance but it might scare him off. __The kid is wary around them – all of them, not just him. __He skirts around the others but for some reason, some small reason, he's okay around Axel. Sometimes. _

_Axel's not about to destroy that reason anytime soon. _

_"And how would you know?" _

_Axel shrugs, "I just know these things." He's not ready to tell. Not yet anyway. _

-------------

The ice cream is cold and makes his teeth ache in his mouth but he can't find it in himself to care. It's strange how he's gone from hot, to cool and then to cold all within seconds. The ice cream is salty but strangely sweet and it melts on his tongue when he puts it in his mouth long enough. He can understand why Roxas liked – _likes,_ he's not gone yet– them. If he can just concentrate on licking it then he doesn't have to concentrate on other things.

But they come to the forefront of his mind anyway.

He didn't think it would hurt so much - this not remembering business. It's stupid that he's so affected because he'd known in advance – way in advance – that Roxas wouldn't remember him. Wouldn't know anything about him at all. But it still hurt when the kid turned that damned blank gaze his way and looked at him warily.

He'd spent so long trying to gain that trust only to have it vanish in seconds. He would laugh but there's only a slight difference between laughing and crying. He's not ready to lower himself down enough to cry.

Not just yet anyway.

-------------

_"Turn around a bit." __Axel is still slightly amazed that Roxas just does as he says now without all the ceremony of tricking him into it. He's glad they can just skip that bit though – it was a pain and a waste of time and this...this comradeship is so much better. _

_"Like this?" __Roxas is standing, both legs slightly apart, the keyblade held aloof in one hand ready to bring it down in one fell swoop. __Axel is beside him, scrutinising his position and trying to think of other ways to improve it. __He steps to the side, looping his arms around Roxas and straightening his hold.__ He can feel the kid tensing but he doesn't say anything. Axel takes this as another small victory. _

_"You do realise you could have just tilted it upwards __from __where you were standing?" Roxas's voice is irritable but Axel can hear the small amount of humour that has crept in. _

_He smirks, leaning away from the other's body. "I know." _

-------------

He kept to himself for a few days, ducking into forgotten corners and stealing into the shadows to stay away from prying eyes. Mostly he hides out in Twilight Town – the _real_ Twilight Town. The one Roxas has never been to before. He doesn't count when Roxas was unconscious because he doesn't like to think about _that_. It brings forth a whole other set of questions that he'd rather not go into.

Instead he thinks of other things. He thinks it's a shame that Roxas never came here because the town has one of the most beautiful sunsets he's ever seen and he wants Roxas to experience it with him. His eyes watch as the sun slowly sinks and the sea of purples and blues and pinks and oranges begin to cast over the sky. It would be great and emotionally fulfilling if he didn't know that the sunset meant something other than a pretty picture.

Another day has passed and he's failed.

Swinging his legs over the edge Axel lets them dangle there for a moment before kicking out. It's a physical show of frustration and he can't help but do it over and over again until his legs become so tired they just lie there limply. Then he screws his hands into fists and begins to pound them into stone he's sitting on.

It's annoying and irritating and _he can't do anything about it. _He's tried and failed and he only has a few times at this. Even less if Xemnas gets involved. He hasn't said anything because he doesn't want anyone to know yet. Not yet.

He's going to get Roxas back whatever it takes and no one is going to interfere.

-------------

_"What do you do when you're not, you know, working?" __Axel can't keep the curiosity out of his voice and __he wants to take the question back when Roxas turns to him questioningly. __They're walking under Memory Skyscraper because Roxas wanted to see something other than the Castle and Axel wanted to get away from all the white walls. _

_It's quiet and dark and just the way Axel likes it. __The only thing that really stands out is the paleness of Roxas's skin. __Axel has his hood up because somehow he managed to burn his face today and he doesn't want anyone to know. __Roxas has his hood down because he says the robes get too hot sometimes and he likes to breathe. _

_The kid doesn't say anything for a moment. Axel spends the time looking – really looking – at him. __He looks almost fragile without his hood. His bright eyes that should be filled with innocence and laughter but sometimes seem colder than those stupid ice creams he likes. __The skin that can seem porcelain at times but refuses to bruise even when he gets __attacked by Heartless. _

_Finally Roxas shrugs. "I don't know." _

_"Do you want to__...would you like to hang around with me? Just sometimes, you know. When we're both not busy..." Axel would cringe at his own words but he's too busy staring at Roxas. _

_He looks interested but undecided and they stay __like __that, simply walking in the silence, for a while. __When he nods Axel releases the gush of air he's been keeping inside. _

_"I think...I'd like that." _

-------------

They find him. Of course they find him; he was stupid to think they wouldn't. Xemnas doesn't sit, merely stands next to him and they both look at the sun as it vanishes neatly altogether. Axel would think the sky was on fire for that one moment but he's not feeling all that poetical right now.

Instead he looks up and lifts an eyebrow, "Didn't expect to see _you_ out of the castle."

"I heard you were having...certain difficulties." Axel doesn't say anything but he knows his eyes are blank and his face could be a stone. He would be afraid but he can't bring himself to feel that way. Instead he settles his gaze to look into the distance.

"Just a few setbacks. Nothing I can't fix." He infuses his voice with the confidence he doesn't have and gives a slight grin when Xemnas makes a strange 'humming' sound in response.

"Just be sure you have all the pieces in place."

Axel salutes him mockingly, still looking forward, "Will do." There's a rippling next to him as the doorway into the darkness is forcibly opened and then Xemnas is gone and he's alone again.

He's not sad – he can't be sad after all. Nobodies don't have hearts and all that so how can he be sad? Instead he clings to anger because that's okay and it fuels his fire.

He's going to use that fire to bring Roxas down.

-------------

_"What kind__ of things do you like?" The question is casual, almost flippant but Axel, for some odd reason, is desperately listening for an answer. __He doesn't know why but he really wants to know – what does Roxas like, what shapes him, what makes him tick. _

_He shouldn't have been surprised by the simple reply but for some reason he is. __He's also mad and annoyed and he can't pin either emotion down. _

_"I don't remember." __Roxas says, his lips tilting up slightly in a sardonic smile. Axel wants it to go away so he does what he does best – distraction. _

_"Well, I'm bored! What say we dump this joint and go explore somewhere?" _

_Roxas is all too willing and they're soon diving into a doorway and __leaving behind the darkness that is the World That Never Was. _

_They come out onto a beach __and A__xel settles down onto the __fine __yellow __sand__ whilst Roxas looks around. __The sound of the waves as they lap against his feet is soothing and he toes his shoes off to wriggle his toes in the cool water. __The sun beats down above them but for some reason it's not truly hot. _

_Axel's so busy enjoying himself that, for a moment, he doesn't realise that Roxas has yet to move. He turns and __takes in the way the boy is standing__, slightly stiff with his mouth a little open in an 'o__h__' shape. __He's never seen that particular look of wonder on the boy's face before and he notes it down, memorising it in his head for later. _

_"This place is...familiar." _

_It should be, Axel thinks. But he doesn't say anything. He won't rush it – not when they've come this far._

-------------

He hates that the last time he talked with Roxas was during a battle. He could tease and laugh and curse all he wanted but he still feels like a lead weight when he returns.

No one is looking at him but he can feel their emotions clearly as if they were shouting them. Pity, anger, disappointment. He didn't do his job right – he failed. Xemnas isn't happy but right now Axel couldn't give a damn.

Instead he goes out to set fire to something. Maybe Demyx's room – he hasn't done it in a while.

But as he stands there with his arms raised he can feel it. He can feel the gap that Roxas left and he feels chilled. Not even the heat from his flames can warm that part of him.

-------------

_"I can't believe you're doing this." _

_"You'd better believe it. I'm blowing this joint sky high," Axel is grinning like a maniac but he can't help it. Roxas is standing there grinning with him and it __just makes him want to do it more, _better, faster, now_. He wants to take Roxas's mind off things and this is the __best way in his mind. _

_They're standing in the doorway to Marluxia's room, both of them trying to ignore the appalling decor. Axel would say something but he doesn't want to __spoil__ the moment. __Instead he's focusing his power on the bed in the corner and __he smirks when a wall of fire bursts out along the side of the cover. _

_A hand touches his arm and then Roxas is by his side, smirking at him._

_"__What? You didn't expect me to help?" _

_It feels good. He has a co-conspirator, a partner._

_They both watch as the flames grow higher and the smell of smoke and burning gets stronger. __Roxas is still grinning however and Axel doesn't want to move. _

_"What are you doing?!" _

_The both laugh before diving into a portal and disappearing. __They'll face the damage later __- there's always time._

-------------

He'd be lying if he said he weren't terrified. He's shit scared and he knows it but he doesn't want Roxas, _Sora_, he's Sora now. He doesn't want Sora to know so instead he grins and stares at the myriad of colours around him.

Inside of him is a dull thumping and it gives him a quivering feeling. This time he doesn't feel sick – he feels free. This is the feeling he gets when Roxas is around and even when he's not there the feeling remains. It's nice and he clings to it as he feels himself coming undone.

The future is unknown to him. Where does a Nobody go? He wants to be whole – like Roxas, like Sora. He wants to meet him again when he's whole and _filled_. He wants to meet him with a heart so they can start all over again. Maybe it's just that? He wants to start over – right from the beginning.

He's done some bad things he should be ashamed of but he's not. He's done some good things, or, rather, he's done bad things with good intentions. Kind of like an anti-hero. He thinks it goes well, Axel the Anti-Hero.

As the black swirls around him he can feel it getting nearer. He's not sure what _it _is but he wants to meet it. He's scared, sure, but he's also excited. Curious. Like Roxas when they were first getting to know each other...Wary and unsure but willing to experience it for what it is.

He wants to do it over. He wants to try again.

And maybe this time he can get it right.

**-end-**


End file.
